Well yesterday I spent the day at Duke university. I had all kinds of tests run on my heart, lungs and blood. I found out that I might be able to start the transplant mid February which would be awesome. They found two donors and they will narrow it down based on who is the better match. Even better, according to the Duke Dr. I won't need this upcoming round of chemo. He wants me to be strong enough to withstand the intensive chemo needed to prep for the transplant.
I found out some bad news yesterday, the transplant will make me infertile. I am completely devastated, having a baby has been my dream and I never could have imagined that dream would be taken away from me. I was hesitant to write about such a personal thing but I'm angry and need to get it out of my system. It's probably the worst thing you can tell a woman is that she won't be able to have her own children. I will never see my face or personality reflected in the face of my own child. I know we can adopt and probably will but it still hurts to know I will never have a mini me. Eric and I have both dreamed of a child and now our dream will have to change.
So for now I will mourn the loss of my dream. For all of you who are blessed to have a child please appreciate the gift that you have been given. Much love from a broken heart.
I'm so sorry to hear that my love.
ReplyDeleteYour personality will def come thru in a baby you adopt.
I know it is hard to understand that now but there is a child out there
that needs you guys. You are one of the kindest and most loving
couples. You have so much to give. You will get thru
this too. Focus your attention on your options and
your health. Xoxoxo